Just As It Is
by Osamu
Summary: I am glad we don't have to run away anymore. Drabbles/Oneshots. Rated M for explicit detail in labeled chapters.
1. 11:11

"It's 11:11, make a wish, Yoite."

Yoite looked over at me, blue eyes hidden underneath the brim of his hat. "I don't." It was another one of his incoherent sentences.

Silently, I wished. I wished for Yoite.

Watching Yoite try to make a crown out of flowers is something I never thought I'd see in life. But yet, there we were, sitting at his hideout with a handful of flowers. It had been my idea at first, having grabbed a bundle of the tiny blossoms with my sweaty fists. I had worked slowly, talking to Yoite casually while weaving the soft lavender plants into a beautiful crown.

"...What are you doing with those?" He had asked me. I told him, simply, that I was making a crown. What surprised me then was him asking if he could try. So I handed it to him, somewhat curious myself as to what he would do.

For a couple minutes he fumbled with the crown, undoing it somewhat by accident and then trying to rebuild it. But unfortunately he had no idea what he was doing, and after a few short moments he threw it back at me. I could read the pain on his face, even though he tried to mask it.

"Forget it. I can't make anything with these hands."

I knew what he was talking about. _Those _hands. Searching my memories I recalled how much his fingers resembled ash, his skin covered with a charcoal color. It was like a black dust had been sprinkled over his skin, staining it with its permeation. Those hands, he claimed, could only destroy. But I remember Yoite's gentle touch on my cheek, both of us suffering in our anguish. I remember how I clung to that hand and didn't want to let go. _Don't die, Yoite... _Was all I could think. _Don't leave me alone. I don't want to be alone again..._ Those hands, they were a balm to me.

For a moment I stared down at the crown, admiring the violet flowers for a moment. Then, quickly, I began to finish it up, weaving a couple more flowers together. "Here, Yoite," I offered, crossing over to sit down by his side. "Just tie the ends together and its done. You can do that."

For a moment, he looked at me. Then he looked down at his gloves. Then he looked nowhere.

"I...I think so."

After a few moments, he found it to be true. With the crown complete, I gave a celebratory applaud then placed the decoration on Yoite's dark hair, replacing the oversized hat that usually covered it. "Tada! It looks good on you, Yoite." I relished in how his cheeks flushed a pale pink. I liked seeing the blood rush to his face - it showed that Yoite, no matter how weak, was still alive. And that's how I liked Yoite...alive.

Alive.

My heart skipped a little and I pushed my mouth up against Yoite's, reassuring him with my lips.

This is how I like Yoite. I like him in the quiet of the summer afternoon, green trees all around the battered trains. I like him shadowed in the trees, but with freckles of light playing across his body in fragmented orbs. And I like him here, close to me, his fingers finding their way into my hair.

_Yoite...I'm glad I don't have to erase you._

He can't make a crown out of flowers. But he made my 11:11 wish come true. And as he kissed me back, eyelashes tickling my cheek, my heart welled up with unspeakable feelings. I couldn't shape them. But I knew that my mind, no longer apathetic, was filled to the brim with the thoughts of Yoite. Yoite, the sun, the grass, the bamboo shoots, the crown of flowers -

I am grateful that we don't have to run anymore.


	2. Our Secret

He held on to me tightly, fingers digging into my skin. I winced. "Miharu, I...I'm not like everyone else. So please..." When he said that to me, I didn't quite understand what he meant. It wasn't until we were on the floor, clothes peeled off and cast away, until I realize what Yoite had meant.

Where there should've been a significant member, there was only a small organ. It wasn't disfigured; rather, it was almost cute, how it was flushed pink in response to our kisses. And below the member was an entrance, clearly wet. Now, I've never seen anybody's body like I saw Yoite's, so I can't compare it to anybody else in the entire world. I just know that he had a member and a small hole, and that it wasn't like anything I had.

My cheeks blushed a little from the awkwardness of us being naked, but I wasn't in the least bit disgusted. This was _Yoite_... I blushed even more just thinking about him. My heart ached for him. This was the secret he had been holding in all along, the shame that he had hidden underneath those layers of clothing. Nobody knew - only me. This had been his secret, his secret alone. And now, it was ours.

When I looked up into his eyes, I could see him questioning me. In those crystal orbs I could see the stark fear, the shame, and all the pain of the world pouring out of them. He was trembling with it, and I could feel his skin shaking under my fingers. Repeatedly he opened and closed his mouth, grasping for something, anything, to say to me. He searched for explanations, excuses, apologies, but he couldn't find anything to say. "Miharu, I..."

I put a finger on his lips, the corners of my lips upturned slightly. I knew what he needed. This soul, this heart had been so alone, he didn't even know who he was anymore.

"Yoite."

He is just Yoite. That's all. That's all I have to say, Yoite. The person who I seek out in my dreams, the person who makes my heart rise and plummet, is just Yoite. Yoite. No matter who Yoite is, I'll accept him. He is my other self. My other half. My...

The saltwater that slid down his cheeks alarmed me, and I put my hands up to his face in hasty efforts to stop them. I called out his name, pressing a fervent kiss on his lips. I kissed his lips, his nose, his eyelids - anything to make the tears stop. He made no sounds; he just sat there, looking at me, the water from his eyes dripping off his chin.

"Yoite, Yoite, you're just Yoite. Yoite...please, Yoite. You are Yoite...my Yoite..."

Over and over I called out his name. We sat there, on the floor, with not clothes. Nothing clothed us but skin and scars, and Yoite's eyes were glass. My hands stayed on his cheeks, digging up into his hair so I was then holding on to him. I clung to his mottled skin, delighting in his scent. I didn't care if he was different; he was all I knew, and he was all I could love in this world.

"Miharu..."

He was now looking at me. His ashy hands clasped over the ones I held to his face, and his cheeks turned slightly red. Under my fingers I could feel the muscles in his skin tense as his lips curved upward. The tears were still there, but in his eyes I saw a light that had been missing before.


	3. A Little Longer

He's my everything. The evening sky. The air I breathe. He's all my existence, the only thing I've ever known. It's as if my whole life I've been dreaming, and when I woke up he was the first thing I saw. And maybe, like any bad dream, I'll begin to forget all that happened to me and be able to cling on to Miharu. Just Miharu.

Here in his arms, I can feel myself fading away. My body had been tying me down to the earth, but I now feel light-weight and _clean_. But how? I'm not clean. I've never been clean. From the moment I was born, I was filthy. Father could see it. Everyone else could see it, too. Sora was dirty. Even Yoite was dirty.

Everyone has looked away from me. Acted as if I don't exist. So why should I exist?

I'm looking up at Miharu and I think I understand. I should exist so he won't be all alone. Is loneliness the cause of my suffering? Miharu looks like he's going to cry, and he's telling me to hang on... Is Miharu going to suffer?

I don't want him to suffer. "Erase me," I whisper. "I don't want you to cry. Don't cry..." He's crying. I'm making Miharu cry. He's holding on to my hand and he's crying, and my heart is overpouring with love for him.

Maybe, just maybe, I can hold on to his hands. Just a little longer, God, let me hold on to him.


	4. Best Thing Right Now

When Yukimi first saw Miharu kissing me, his first reaction was a blank stare. Miharu snerked, devilishly and I could practically see horns growing out of his head. "Oh hey, Yukimi. I was just leaving."

I blushed, head tipping down to hide my eyes. Miharu was alot more open than I expected; where did the quiet, sensitive ninja go? I was embarrassed - not ashamed, though. Just embarrassed.

"W-w-what?" Yukimi hollered, backing up against the wall. "You? And the kid!" He sort of began pointing nowhere, and I turned my back to him, mumbling a goodbye to Miharu. He smiled at me, warming me in that odd way of his, and then left.

I sat on the ground in my most comfortable position, arms wrapped around my legs and chin buried between my knees. I knew my cheeks were tingling with the flush of feelings. I knew my eyes were brighter than normal. I tried to hide it from Yukimi, who began his interrogation.

"You know he's a guy, right Yoite? Oi, Yoite!"

_I don't mind, Yukimi. I'm not really a guy either._

"I'm not saying I want to control your love life, but should you really be doing this right now?"

_Why not? I don't have much time left, anyway. I think I'm happiest with Miharu by my side. I think so._

"But you know, kids these days, whatever."

_We're being rash. But we have no choice._

When Yukimi placed his hand on my head, I glanced up at him. I expected an angry face, but instead saw a mysterious grin spread all over. "Just don't let him hurt you, okay? Or his ass is mine." I blinked, then looked down. Really, I'm going to be the one hurting Miharu, right? When I die. I'm going to die. It's inevitable.

_But I know what we're doing right now is the best thing._


	5. Rain

If the rain flooded the entire world, that'd be nice.

The rain had been entirely unexpected. We had been making our way to my - no, _our_ - secret hide out when suddenly we had been caught in the downpour. It hadn't started off drizzly, but instead the rain slammed down in thick drops that immediately soaked through our clothes. I didn't mind too much, but I could see Miharu looking at me frantically. I knew he was checking my health.

The rain didn't affect me. It was a warm, summer rain; but it would be the wet aftermath that could worsen my condition.

We ran and ran and laughed a little as we raced through the haze of water, feet splashing into small pools that circled all over the earth. When we made it to the decayed trains, we were panting and dizzy with the fun of it all, grins splitting our faces in the midst of ecstatic chaos. Of course, after stumbling into the stuffy yet dry shelter of a train cab, we both began to wonder if and when it would ever stop.

_I wish we had some lemon cider, _I thought absently, sitting on a long mottled bench. The warmth of Miharu as he pushed into my side delighted me in the most strange way, and I leaned into his heat. My nose tickled his ear, and he gave me a warning glance.

"_You're cold," _he stated, grasping at my hands with his. I mumbled an apology, offering him a weak smile, but he shook his head._ "You're cold, and you could get sick, and, and...you know what I mean."_

It feels nice to know that somebody recognizes my existence.


	6. Never Again

There was no explanation for how it began. But it did. And when it finally built up to the point that Miharu felt Yoite's existence to be as important as breathing, everything happened naturally.

Much like his first kiss.

It had been quick, natural, in his bedroom. The second time Yoite had been there. He stood on his tiptoes, fingers tangled behind his back, and caught the kira user by surprise. It hadn't been planned; just...natural. As if it made sense to him.

He hadn't expected Yoite to cry.

They leaked out. There was no soft sobs or strange throaty choking sounds. Just tears, cutting down his face like little wet knives. He turned away, the back of his gloved hand hiding his trembling lips. "Yoite..." Miharu said, circling around him in attempts to see his face. Yoite just kept swinging back and forth, hiding his face whenever Miharu came close. But he could see the red flush behind the gleam of tears.

"Yoite..."

He held his wrists, not really sure that Yoite was comfortable with him holding his hands. He held them and waited for Yoite to stop crying. It seemed like it took forever. They were both breathless. And silently, he promised himself _Never again, never again will I make Yoite cry. I won't kiss him again._ _Never again._

Miharu tried to erase everything about that first kiss from his memories.

However, its hard to forget a first kiss when a second kiss happens to be taken by the same person. Broken down trains, sun setting, a typical evening. Yoite was sitting, Miharu was standing. Awkward silence. But he was surprised when gloved fingers wrapped behind his ears and pulled him down to eye level, sky staring into his own earthy orbs. His name was whispered, barely heard behind the rustling bamboo, and Miharu was surprised to feel Yoite's mouth shyly press against his.

Shy, tentative, but so bittersweet it hurt.

"Yoite."

He brushed Yoite's silky black hair to the side tenderly, smiling weakly, before kissing him on the forehead. His fingers caressed his face. He held him close. Yoite closed his eyes... and this time, he didn't cry.


	7. Our Secret 2

_A continuation of chapter two._

_Rated M for explicit sexual content._

"Miharu..."

He was looking at me. His ashy hands clasped over the ones I held to his face, and his cheeks speckled a tickled-pink flush. Under my fingers I could feel the muscles in his skin tense as his lips curved upward in a small, small smile. Was it a smile? I could hardly tell.

The tears were still there, but in his eyes I saw something. Behind the gloss of watery haze was a light and a-

Heat on heat and skin on skin, I never knew Yoite could be so warm. We both knew - without saying anything - that if we were going to do this (how did this even start?) that I'd have to be in control. I didn't want to, I didn't plan to. But even before the clothes were off and our skin was close, I knew that we'd have to do this.

A sharp inhale. Breathe. Keep it calm...don't scare Yoite. Don't hurt him.

My fingers were trembling butterflies, I couldn't stop moving and touching Yoite's skin. - I kissed his mouth soundly, then his eyelids, his neck, his chest. No, it wasn't strange when Yoite watched me. He didn't move. He didn't respond - nor did I expect him to. Gentle kisses are like small flutters to him (and soon I would begin to kiss him more strongly, roughly, just so he could feel that skin-itching sensation).

I like his rough skin against my peach-soft lips.

I thumbed his thighs, spreading his tainted (yet pure) legs and pressed my length, my arousal below his member; it was touching the wet and small entrance, I had to keep calm. It was going to hurt.

"I-I'm sorry Yoite. It's going to hurt..."

Yoite's eyes were calm and serene and blue. He stared at me with that defined gaze, unafraid and trembling fingers reaching up to tickle my cheekbone. He whispered, I love you, and closed his eyes.

_To be continued...?_


End file.
